Breakfast With Tiffani

Me So horny

So...my assistant and I went out on Friday for my birthday and had a girls night out. She treated me to a great Mexican dinner and then out to a bar called "Howl at the Moon". It was my first time there and I was very eager to see what all the hype was about.

You see....this bar is unique in a way- that there are two pianos on a stage and on each end are singers. You write down requests on a napkin and literally throw it on the stage. Providing you know the words - you (the patrons) are to sing along. And if you don't and they see that you’re not singing they will 1. call you on the stage and make fun of you or 2. call you a bitch, slut and whore with a spot light on you. Fun stuff. My assistant behind my back somehow told them it was my birthday and they called me on stage. One would think that they'd sing happy birthday. Nope not them. They sang "Let's get drunk and screw". Again, fun stuff.

After awhile went to another club which is on the lake (Erie). By the time we arrived everyone including us were pretty much lit.

When the mens folk saw that fresh meat just strolled in they swarmed us like nobody's bidness. Now I'm not bragging at all because you could have three eyeballs and the guys would still swarm. That's how drunk/horny people get.

It's almost like you can't go to a bar anymore without some drooling, 22 year old frat boy trying to get in your pants. I mean you can't go anywhere and have drinks and dance. Unless you go somewhere that is 50 and over. Jeesh.

And God forbid you tell them you’re married - they look at you like that third eyeball just popped out. The classic line I got all night was "well...if you’re married then why are you here?" Like, I should be locked up in my basement or something. I'm sorry that I gave you all the idea that you had some remote chance with me. But, even if I weren’t married, it would take more than a drink to get into my goodies. Ya know what I mean? You'd have to a least have beamer or a boat. A full head of hair and be in some sort of good physical shape (Built). (Yes...I'm talking to you fat tub of shit) I’m not materialistic like that or vain for that matter. But, when you look like you just strolled out of bed and have breath like you ate salami and your going to give me shit because I’m married – well you need to be bitch slapped and hard.

There are about 4 different types of guys in those kinds of bars.

1. The geekiest of geeks - Who have the biggest balls known to man – because they won’t think twice to go up to a nice looking girl and ask them to dance. Those guys I give credit to. But are looking to be de-virginized.

2. The Rico Suave guys – who wear sunglasses at night. Tan and look like they just jumped out of a GQ mag. No thanks dude. Not my type. They’re looking for one thing and one thing only.

3. The College guys – (I had about 6 of em’ sittin’ behind me at the first bar and wanted to kill them) These guys…yell, scream, hoot and howl. They high five each other and are pretty much morons. Again only looking for a lay.

4. Nice guys – Few and far between. I ran into a couple that night. After the initial shock of me being let out of my cage for a few hours. We all got to know each other and had a pleasant conversation. We exchanged business cards with a future sale on the line (both ways) we toasted to my b-day and went on our way. However they still had one thing on their mind.

Is it me or are guys just horny little boys? With one thing on their mind?

I gotta go….my husband found out I broke the ball and chain to write this. Back down to the basement.

Posted by Tiffani at July 26, 2004 03:02 PM | TrackBack