A couple of months ago my daughter Bree had her pictures taken at school. We chose a pretty setting of trees and her sitting on a brick wall. Ahh what a lovely picture this was going to be.....
When I arrived at her school for a parent teacher conference, that was coincidentally scheduled for the same day as the pictures. I was told that my daughter was touched inappropriately. A thousand things had raced in my head. What do you mean? How? When? Where?
It turns out that the guy that was positioning her legs reached behind her and grabbed her butt. I am ashamed to say that even though this was tragic for my daughter I was relieved that it was nothing more. But, that relief quickly turned to anger. The teacher told me that the principle called the child protection services. It's a formal matter now.
A month ago my daughter had to go back to the police station to give a formal statement (We both wrote a formal complaint at the school a week after the incident) and she had to pick him out of a line up. She did a very good job describing everything she had told me, the teacher and the very first police man on the scene that week. However, she did not pick him out. But, the detective told me that if the other little boy this happened to does then everything will go fine. (did I mention he did it to two people?) And he did pick him out.
The detective called me two weeks later to tell me that the prosecutor took the case. Again, I heard nothing for another two weeks. It seems the picture taker/butt grabber fired his lawyer and it delayed the process longer.
Now, I just got off the with the detective and this is where we are:
I have three choices and two of them have a catch.
The first one: Is what he is being prosecuted for now: Gross sexual imposition. Felony. Trial
The detective said he wants to plea bargain (which to me means he saying he’s guilty) to:
Third degree Sexual imposition. Misdemeanor. Trial or
Disorderly Conduct: 1 degree less than a misdemeanor. No Trial.
These are major things to think about. If we agree to the above first two then my daughter does have to testify on the stand in front of the court. (I asked) if we agree to the last charge she doesn’t. But, then again, he’s pretty much getting away with touching little kids where they shouldn’t be touched.
All of my daughters life I’ve taught her that no one ever is allowed to touch you there. Ever. It is never right. She did the right thing telling her teacher. Do I punish her by having it go to court and having her testify? Because that is what she will feel .
Do I agree to the lesser charge because all he did was grab her butt? And because he has no criminal record not even a traffic ticket.
I need to get the detective an answer by tomorrow morning. So what do I do?
Oh and by the way if the other family this involves agrees to something totally different than we do. It goes to court no matter what for the judge to decide.
He will be arrested as soon as I put my phone call in tomorrow. I should feel good about that, right?
Then why don’t I?
~T
Sorry that this is poorly written - I'm in a huge hurry and need to get things finished here at work. But, I did want some input.
I think it would be good to get your daughter's feedback here. Explain what the difference is between a trial and no trial. On the one hand she will have to testify and he is being charged with what he did. On the other hand she doesn't have to testify but he is getting off with less than he did. Also on option 3 he's getting a record guaranteed - no way to be sure he'll be found guilty with the others.
She might not think of it as a punishment to take him to trial.
Posted by: Jim at June 1, 2004 04:11 PMI'm gonna agree with Jim. Explain it the bext you can to Bree and see what she thinks.
Unfortunately, she'll also learn how imperfect our legal system is...
Posted by: Clancy at June 1, 2004 04:45 PMHoly cow-rock and a hard place here. Have you asked if your daughter can submit a taped deposition? I know in a lot of cases, the child can be excused from appearing in court if the judge and the attorney depose her on tape. Maybe that's an option?
I have to go with Jim on this one-although this is hard for her to understand (it would've been for me at that age)-I would ask her how she felt about it.
As someone who is not a mother (but really wants to be), my thoughts are this: this guy was wrong. If he gets the Third degree sexual imposition, at least maybe he will be labelled a sex offender, and that's the best bet, since it will get him the help he needs as well as the legal attention this matter needs.
But, above all, your daughter comes first, of course, and I totally understand your position. Has the guy at least been removed from his job? You could make sure of that, and make sure all of the school districts in teh area have been contacted about him once the case is resolved.
God, I so didn't help on this one. Sorry :(
Posted by: Helen at June 1, 2004 04:47 PMI am going to talk to my daughter. I know exactly what she's going to say though. She about had a coniption fit when I told her that we had to go to the police station the last time.
That's where my delama lays.
Helen I'll have to ask about the taping. What the detective told me today was that she was old enough to testify. (I asked if could be in the judges chambers)
Oh and I made sure that man was far away from children. He was fired after he failed the polygraph test. Did I leave that out too? I guess alot did happen. He took two polys one from the police and one the studios paid for. He failed them both.
Posted by: Tiffani at June 1, 2004 05:01 PM