Breakfast With Tiffani

Thank You

There was a quiz on the radio I heard the other day. The question was: Who is the person you most think about? Seems easy doesn’t it? The obvious answer would be your significant other. Nope. If you can believe it, they said it was an ex. This may not fit for everyone. But, it does for me and it got me thinking.

I knew a man that changed my life. A man that made me see the good in others and the good that lies within me. A man that let me know that there was a life just outside my clinically insane domicile. He showed me that cheating wasn’t normal. That I was beautiful. He showed me a life that I had never known before. As most of you know that I grew up in a horrid childhood. I saw things that could scar a person for life. But, see, it didn’t scar me because of him. He was my release, my savior at the time.

We met when I was 13 and very vulnerable. My existence was meaningless. Fighting to stay alive and to survive 4 other brothers and sisters. With barely any food to eat and practically living on top of each other. When I met RM it was almost as if there was a light cascading over his head. My angel. RM was 18 just graduating high school. Me a freshman. It wasn’t love at first sight. In fact he wasn’t all that attractive. But, once I got to know him and got a taste of what the real world was. I never looked back. We had the same dreams. We both wanted be someone with importance. He was going to be in the medical field and I was going to be his wife someday. He loved ME. Only.me and I never had that unconditional kind of love before. Even my own father tossed me aside. I was an inconvenience to him. My mother had her own issues and my step father was too busy whoring around to care.

RM brought me into his functional and lovely family. They accepted me as their own. I had family dinners with them. His father even taught me how to drive. To this day when I start my car I think of him. RM taught me that school mattered. That I had it in me to get good grades. Before I never cared. He gave me the courage I never knew I had.
He was my first. As awkward as it was. As young as I was. I never regretted it. I have pride knowing we stayed together for almost 4 years. Four years of him building my self confidence. Four years of unconditional love.

One day when I was 14 years old something happened to the both of us that changed both of our lives forever. We became pregnant. This was the beginning of the end for us, I knew. I naturally hid it from everyone. We shared that special bond of grief, being scared out of our minds. If my mother ever found out I honestly think she would have killed me or arrested him. That was never an option. Never. Everyday was so nerve wracking for me. Everyday I cried and everyday I wanted to die. In the end RM and I fought constantly. His views had changed and I held this ungodly bitterness towards him. We stayed together for a short while. But, there were too many things that got in the way.

I was a senior in high school and he was in his Jr. year in college. He was having problems with his grades and wanted to do nothing more than study. It was my final year of school and I wanted to spread my wings and fly. I wanted to be a teenager. I wanted to play. I got too confident and left him behind. That little thing that was always in the back of my mind played heavy on my heart and he was an everyday reminder of it. I needed to get away. Far away.

It’s been 17 years since I’ve last seen him and Tuesday would have been our anniversary. It seems you never forget your first love. It’s weird because I do think of him often. I think about how I never said Thank you for changing my life. Thank you for giving me the confidence I needed and thank you loving me unconditionally.

Thank you for you.

~T

Posted by Tiffani at May 27, 2004 03:13 PM | TrackBack